AA Step 6 ~ Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Entirely ready? God’s going to remove all of them? What if I need one later?

What if I remove my defects myself through the practice of honesty and self-awareness, doing my best to make right choices and acting in integrity? Then I could say I’m actually in the process of working on this stuff – taking care of this removal business by being a productive person in my own life.

Wouldn’t God rather we do this ourselves anyway because s/he/it is on our team and is cheering for us in the same way we cheer on our children when they try to do something new by themselves? Don’t we encourage our kids to get up and try again when they fall down? Why does God need to be any different? Why should God do things for us that we can learn to do for ourselves? If God is going to remove our character defects, we don’t really need to be down here on the planet in the first place, do we? And if s/he/it has just been waiting our entire lives for us to ask for our defects of character to be removed – couldn’t we have just been born without them in the first place? Seriously – what is the point of having us ask? That’s just seems exceedingly arrogant.

Isn’t life a process with multiple opportunities to learn how to become more and better and bigger – on the inside – over and over and over again? Life is like school. It’s a learning experience. The whole thing.

Nobody is born perfect. Right? Nobody dies perfect. Right?

Why do soooo many folks out there agree with the idea of handing over their power? There’s a term for this…it’s called LAZY. Mental laziness is just as harmful for us as physical laziness. Why are folks so inclined to let others choose for them? To blindly accept other people’s judgements, criticism, opinions, and even beliefs without at least thinking independently first?

What IF, by having stopped swallowing alcohol and becoming mindful of my existence on the planet, I’m already doing 1000% better than I ever was as a drinker. Did I – by stopping drinking – wipe out a character defect or two all by my lonesome? Which ones are gone through the act of getting sober and which ones do I still have?

Said who?

What if I’m okay with who I am because I know I’m always changing and evolving? What if I think my defects of character will resolve themselves over time as long as I stay sober and do my best to live in integrity?

Without my character defects, will I become a shining beacon of perfection at some point? I mean – seriously – without character defects, I should be GODLIKE. Amiright? What else could possibly be left inside me except supreme grooviness?

Perfection seems to require an awful lot of responsibility. Like – if I have no character defects am I allowed to ever make a mistake? What if I do? What would that mean?

How about if I just do my own thing and quit second guessing every fucking thought I have and move I make? What about that? Could it maybe be okay if – instead of trying to have all my character defects swallowed up by some dude out in the ether – instead – I just get my groove on down here and do my best as a sober person?

I stopped swallowing alcohol and didn’t lose my mind over that choice. I concluded that drinking alcohol is not good for me. We’re not a good match. And then I got on with my life. Life’s alright. Not knowing all the answers seems to be the best way to navigate it. Too many answers and too many details are confusing. But learning to trust my intuition rather than what other people think or have to say about God feels right – as though maybe God speaks to me – through me. I just have to learn to listen. I like to think everybody can do this.

Published by Jennifer

I've finally found my happy place in sobriety. Yay! Go Me!

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