I’m good. I’m really good. I can tell myself anything and believe it – if I want to. Especially when it comes to alcohol and drinking. I used to say to myself, “I’ll have just ONE drink. It’s a special occasion – it’s St. Patrick’s Day” Or, “It’s Wednesday, Fuck it.” Or, “The sun came up.” And every time – within about two weeks, I’d be laid out flat on my back again in the throes of withdrawal having polished off five bottles of wine the night before.
It happened E V E R Y time. Without fail. One drink leads to two and two drinks leads to four and four leads to eight and eight drinks leads to empty bottles in every room. Even the bathroom…
I had to go through this about 714 times. Folks would try to help me by suggesting that moderation probably wasn’t going to work for me, but my mental attitude was “MOVE THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!! I’M COMING THROUGH TO DRINK!“
So – I finally figured out that I can control my alcohol consumption – as long as I don’t drink any. This isn’t exactly what I wanted, but such is life. Once I grasped this truism – life got SO much easier – and less painful.
Sometimes, the choices we’re offered just aren’t much fun, But whining or lying about reality only prolongs the agony. And addiction is agony – 1,000,000 times over.