I don’t know.
Everything’s fine. My coffee is brewing. My kittens still love me (or at least I think they do). My heater works. I had a clean robe to put on this morning. My home is still standing. Blah blah blah. I don’t know what my problem is.
I lay in bed before getting up and thought about 1000 different things – already. I think a part of me is starting to feel a little rushed, which I don’t particularly appreciate. I don’t have a lot of time left to do things. I don’t know how much time I do have left, but to get the things done that I’d like to do – well, that boat has sailed. I drank right through my 30s and 40s and man ALIVE!! That’s 20 freakin’ years. It’s a lifetime! What might I have done with those years had I been sober!?
It doesn’t matter. I can’t go back. There’s never been a more obvious truth. I guess maybe it’s that, just like with everyone else on the planet, I cannot predict when my last day on the planet is going to be. So how do I prioritize? How do I organize what needs my attention first? Do I do what I want to do first or do what I think I need to do first? Hm. Or is there something else I should be paying attention to that I’m not even aware of? Well, shit. Not only are my ducks not all in a row, I can’t even account for all of them.
This should be an interesting day …