My Life Hurts.

Not A Lot To Hold On To…

I just read a post on a social network site where someone titled her thread with ~ The Alcohol I Drank Yesterday Is Triggering Me To Drink Today.

I thought to myself, What?! Seriously?

No. It’s not. The sun came up today and you’re still alive. That’s your trigger.

I don’t believe in triggers. Once a person learns how to detach from the urge to drink – triggers disappear. Granted – “detach” is the operative word. Not easy to do, but possible all the same.

The raw bologna we tell ourselves in an attempt to convince ourselves that alcohol is any and everything other than what it is – is most unfortunate. The raw bologna we tell ourselves about being unable to control our alcoholism and our drinking is just more bologna.

Self-control doesn’t just materialize out of thin air. Every last one of us has always had some.

Alcohol is a liquid. What we do with it is the problem.

The stories, the long winded explanations, the lies, the blather, the finger pointing, the accusations, the excuses, the denial, the life curses, … it’s all so pathetic. It’s such an unnecessary way to live, and yet – I did it. I get it. I so do.

The mental anguish of thinking about looking in the mirror and having an honest one-on-one is much more daunting and scary than the actual act of just doing it. I know. I’ve been there – done it. It’s really not that hard and to boot ~~~ nothing bad happens. There’s no lightening strike, the house doesn’t crack in half, monsters don’t jump out of the walls ~ there’s no danger. No threat. Just you staring back at your sad self.

Damn! I think I might be drinking too much. I think I might have a problem because – well – something inside me is telling me this isn’t working out.” This is along the lines of what I first said to myself about 23 years ago. Unfortunately – I chose not to act on what I knew. And all those years are gone. POOF. I can’t get them back. And suddenly I’m 51. How much time do I have left? Now that thought is a little unsettling. Why? Because I’m closer to the exit than I am to the entrance.

Published by Jennifer

I've finally found my happy place in sobriety. Yay! Go Me!

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