Yowza. That has to be really hard to digest. Knowing that all the hard work it took over two years to get and stay sober is now in second place to a relapse. Ugh!
I am constantly reminded by other folks who write about their relapses after substantial periods of sobriety that the addict voice that originally took up residence in our brain when we became alcoholic, never moves out. It just takes a nap sometimes; sometimes a really long one.
I’ve had to restart my sobriety clock countless times and the longer period of sobriety I’d accumulated, the harder it was to stomach that I relapsed-again. It’s uncomfortable having to acknowledge that I’m going to have to be alert to this addict voice for the rest of my life. This thing is like a hunter that won’t give up.
Reading about relapse and the lurking addict voice really strengthens a resolve I’ve developed that is already strong. Alcohol is everywhere, from restaurants to the gas station convenience store, and I know what an utter disaster it would be if I chose to drink again. I can no longer trust myself with alcohol.