It just quiets down sometimes. This is the conclusion I’ve arrived at. I read or hear about folks accumulating decades of sobriety, only to cave one day for – essentially – nothing. All that time. All that hard work – POOF – left in the past. Once a person relapses – that restarts the sobriety clock. A relapse can’t be undone any more than the work it took to get there.
I think it’ll be helpful for me to think of my AV (Addict Voice) as a relative. A blood relative. While I can divorce my parents, change my last name, or even sever all ties with my relatives – I can never undo my relation to them. I think that’s how it is with addicts and the voice inside our heads that calls out to us to drink or use again. Sometimes even after great lengths of clean and sober time. That voice may go dormant, but it never vacates our heads. It’s like a cat wiggling its butt ~ just waiting to pounce.