My anxiety has always reminded me of times I got high and hated it. I never really enjoyed smoking weed much in the first place, but some highs were definitely worse than others.
After taking a walk a few minutes ago and experiencing a lot of anxiety at the same time (it felt like another bad high) I decided that if I focus on things that calm me ~ like my bedroom in the wee morning hours or the view outside my windows or my breath or watching my kittens play together ~ it helps to bring me ‘back’ to front and center where things aren’t so scary. Apparently, focus and commanding my brain’s attention are important here because it works every time I do it.
I’m sure that breaking up with my boyfriend today didn’t help things, but ‘things’ weren’t going well and hadn’t been for some time. There might just be something to staying single for the first year of sobriety after all. I had just met my boyfriend before I chose to stop drinking and we have experienced a lot together in a very short time.
But this has been my first ever sober relationship and I wanted to make sure that I made every right sober consideration here before throwing in the towel. And I did. I’m sorry that I had to end it, but I know doing that was the right thing to do. My heart is a bit heavy, but my spirit is soaring.