The highlights of drinking used to be downright merriment. I was social. I was cute. I was happy. I was bouncy. I pranced with the Unicorns. And though I’ve never used the term, “Liquid Gold” is often used to describe the euphoric affects of alcohol. Personally, I prefer “Lovely Sedation” or “Bliss”. Too damn bad it never lasted.
Us addicts USED to be nonaddicts too! Remember those days? Oh yeah! Until one morning we woke up and realized that several sips of sauce was what we needed to get back into the game. We needed to drink because we were beginning to go into withdrawal – the position our body takes when it recognizes there’s no alcohol in it. It’s not a happy place. We tremble, we have the jitters, our face might be red, we experience social anxiety, our appetite is shot, and the idea of a drink takes up the majority of free space in our brains. That’s it’s only 7:30 a.m. is hardly worth mentioning.
I remember feeling really put out and indignant if I couldn’t have a drink when I wanted one. And I’d become a bull at that point. Nothing would get in my way of satiating my thirst for a drink. Nothing mattered except that. If I had to walk five miles up hill roundtrip for my bottle, I would. I can’t think of anything else in my life that caused me to feel such deep seated angst and anger.
Those days are behind me now. I just passed the five month mark in sobriety on the 3rd of August. Yay! I never have to experience withdrawal again so long as I live – so long as I never swallow alcohol again. And all my future days should be filled with wonder, love, peace, unicorns, kittens, nachos, and a large lottery jackpot.
Okay – I’ll settle for the kittens, and calm with a chance of cloudy and some showers.